Because He's Worth It

It's a new year, and I have never felt this complete in my entire life.

He told me he loved me on New Year's Eve and it was perfect. I had been patient for more than 2 months and when it happened, I was over the moon. I knew I didn't wanna say it first because we all know if a woman does that, it freaks the crap out of him.

Of course we have little squabbles and fights, but who doesn't? I would be worried if we didn't! All I know is that, he's definitely worth the tears and pain. Any obstacle that comes our way, I know that we can get through it together.

I honestly never thought I would find someone as wonderful as him. He seems to get me even when I don't say a word. Apparently he's able to 'read my face'.

I read a quote once, it said 'it's not about finding the right person. It's about being the right person.'

I've noticed so many couples throughout the years and sometimes, I wonder why it's so important for one person to always be right.

So what if your boyfriend/husband won't let you have the last word? Is it really worth giving him the silent treatment for an entire day?

I have many questions for my fellow woman: (this is not to say that all women do these things, but I've seen the evidence with my own eyes so those are the ones I'm targeting) Believe me, I am guilty of a few items on this list so I am in no way pointing fingers.

Why do you insist on taking him with you when you go shopping?

He is evidently bored, uninterested in what you're about to spend your hard-earned money on and he knows no matter what he says about how you look in a dress, he's gonna get in trouble. He ends up carrying the bags, sighing at regular intervals, playing bejewelled on his iPhone while he waits for you to come out of the changing room, and basically giving up on life. Ladies, go shopping with your girlfriends, give your fella the day to do as he pleases. Trust me he'll thank you for it, and you'll save him the boredom and resentment he'll have for you later on in life.

Why do you get jealous when he looks at another woman?

He is with you. I mean come on, he's carrying your shopping bags, for Pete's sake. His eyes may stray, but his heart belongs to you. If he really wanted to pursue that attractive stranger, do you honestly think he'd still stick around while you fill up his schedule with girly, non-macho activities that would probably make him a laughing stock when his buddies find out what he's been up to? Men are visual creatures, if they see something shiny and beautiful, they are going to look at it. The sooner you accept this, the easier it will be for the both of you. Because if you try to stifle him and reprimand him every time he checks someone out, he'll just find other ways to do so.

Why do you make him feel guilty for not spending money on you?

He already has enough to deal with while he's at work. A crappy boss, annoying colleagues, early mornings, late nights, lack of sleep, hunger pangs etc. It doesn't help when you snap at him for not taking you out to that fancy place at Mount Faber for a romantic evening. He has enough on his plate, don't pressure him by questioning why he doesn't indulge in your lavish outings to snooty places. He looks forward to seeing you when he gets home from work, why would you want to dampen the mood by being demanding and unhappy?

Why do you insist on knowing where he is every time he's not with you?

Sometimes we need to put ourselves in their shoes. What if we were having a girl's night and every 10 minutes or so, we get an angry, inquisitive call about where we are, who we're with and what we're doing. I don't know about you, but I know it would drive me insane! Have a little faith in your man. He needs to let off steam, even if he flirts with another woman while he's out with the boys, he's coming home to you. Men need to prove their masculinity while they are surrounded by other men, so don't make him look like a wimp by calling every few minutes just to 'check up on him'.

Why do you try to change everything about the man you fell in love with?

He leaves the toilet seat up. He doesn't pick his clothes up off the floor. He burps after every meal. He takes hour-long showers. He's always in the mood for a little hanky-panky. He's been like this since before he met you. Some of the little habits he has are what made you like him in the first place! So why would you want him to stop doing those things? Imagine if he tried to stop you from putting your DVDs in alphabetical order. Or if he wanted you to stop using conditioner. You wouldn't feel happy about that would you? Everyone has idiosyncrasies, we shouldn't try to change them, especially with our partner! Even if we don't exactly understand why he doesn't like the volume of his TV to be below 35, we should embrace the uniqueness of him and love him for who he is, not try to turn him into you.

Why do you always feel the need to be in control?

It's true, most men prefer independent women who know what they want and can take care of themselves. However, there is a difference between being independent and being a total biatch who is domineering, demanding and downright irrational. A man needs to feel like a man, he needs to know that he's able to provide for you and take care of you and make the important decisions in the relationship. If you continuously emasculate him (especially in front of other people or worse, his friends) he will snap. If he doesn't snap, he will leave you. Would you really want to be with a guy that lives under your thumb ? Men that find themselves 'pussy-whipped' will undoubtedly resent their situations and be unhappy in their relationship. This is why they cheat or they switch off when you talk to them. Let your man be a man. When he's not around, you can fix those shelves yourself or hook up that stereo system if you need to prove that you can do it. But don't take over when he's in charge.

Why do you expect him to read between the lines and know what you're trying to say?

There's a reason why it's called women's intuition. A mother knows when their child is unhappy just from their tone of voice. A wife can tell when her husband is lying about where he was the night before. There is no way to explain this wondrous talent that almost every woman has, but it would be unfair to assume that men have it too. Men are simple creatures, they take things for what they are, and not what they might be. Don't get me wrong, I know a few guys that are more sensitive and aware of certain situations than women but those are exceptions to the rule. If you tell a man 'i don't feel like going out today,' when really what you're thinking is 'i hope he calls my bluff and realize that it's been a while since we've gone out and takes me out anyway.'.... Sister, enjoy your day on the couch. When you get angsty and snap at him for not taking you out, his response will inevitably be 'but you said you didn't feel like going out!' and then it turns into a big argument about how he doesn't understand you and he becomes defensive and says you're impossible and before you know it, the entire mood is ruined.

Appreciate the little things he does for you. Men (or people in general really) are not mind-readers. You need to say what you feel and what you're really thinking. It depends on the person, but sometimes hints just don't work. What's wrong with saying exactly what's on your mind? Obviously you'll need to word it appropriately so your better half doesn't feel attacked or insulted, but the gist of the message should be transmitted.

I'm not claiming to be some kind of expert on relationships or a love guru or whatnot. I just have many guy friends who confide in me and I'm always in awe when I think about the stunts we pull when we're in relationships.

I for one, try my best not to be a high-maintenance-psycho-bitch-drama-queen with issues but sometimes my hormones get in the way and I lose sight of the happy times. The key to any relationship is communication. If he doesn't know what you're really thinking, how is he going to make you feel better?

Embrace your fella with everything you've got. Shower him with love, tenderness and compassion. Give him space when he needs it and get jealous when he feels neglected. Put his needs first and comfort him when he's down. Maintain your physical appearance and don't let yourself go. Both of you should feel proud to be with each other when you walk side by side. Never bring up the past when you argue and if you have to choose between being right and being kind, be kind.

Songs that make you go Ooh III

I told you this list would never end!! Here are another 20 sexy songs :)

1) Be on You - Flo Rida feat. Ne-Yo

This song's so good I'll forgive the rapper responsible for splitting his name in half in an attempt to sound different when compared to the US State it resembles.

2) Superman - Eminem

The girl moaning? Come on, even as a fellow female, I find that hot.

3) A Loaded Smile - Adam Lambert

This one's all dreamy and when I hear it, I always imagine I'm floating among the clouds :)

4) Fire - Des'ree & Babyface

Such an adorable tune that never fails to make you tap your feet

5) Every Rose has it's Thorn - Poison

Even though this song's pretty sad when you listen to the lyrics, the vibes are quite sexy. Maybe I'm just biased cause of Bret Michaels.

6) Please Forgive Me + Let's Make a Night to Remember + Thought I'd Died and gone to Heaven - Bryan Adams

A threesome? I couldn't decide which one was best. : P

7) Eat You Alive - Limp Bizkit

Marilyn Manson claims that the most sexual act you could perform on your partner would be to consume them, i.e eating them. Haha

8) Tainted Love + Personal Jesus - Marilyn Manson

Even though both songs aren't his originals, his versions are awesome.

9) Make Love in this Club - Usher

Something about the thrill of getting caught while you're doing it in a club has 'sexy' written all over it.

10) Wicked Game - Chris Isaak

It's Chris Isaak, come on. Do I need to give an explanation?

11) By Your Side - Sade

Lovely romantic one.

12) Pure Shores - All Saints

I think this one makes it on the list for the sole reason that it was featured in The Beach. DiCaprio wins. Everytime.

13) Hungry like the Wolf - Duran Duran + I Can't Go For That - Hall & Oates

These two were in the same '80s sexy' category.

14) Fever - Peggy Lee

This song has so many versions but the original is still the best :)

15) Turn your Lights down Low - Bob Marley & Lauryn Hill

All reggae sexy.

16) It Ain't Over til' it's Over - Lenny Kravitz

It's Lenny Kravitz, come on. Do I need to give an explanation?

17) Since I Don't Have You - Guns N Roses

Slash playing the heck out of that guitar riff does it for me. He could play the alphabet song and it'll still be hot.

18) Crazy - Aerosmith

For all those bipolar lovers. That first line of 'come here, baby.' Damn.

19) Love Bites - Def Leppard

Has broken hearted vibes but the slow rock feel sure sets the mood.

20) Closer - Nine inch Nails

Trent Reznor. That drum beat. That raw animalistic energy.

Rarr.

You Make Me Feel Like I'm Living a Teenage Dream

I found him.

Or rather, we found each other.

I can honestly say I have never been this happy in my life. Everything he is, and everything he makes me feel, I once believed could only exist in my dreams, or in romantic movies or novels.

He is the sweetest berry on the vine.

He is my No.1 Hit.

He is my prince.

The one I've been waiting for.

The apple of my eye.

The sunshine of my life.

My twin flame.

My soulmate.

My missing puzzle piece.

I spent the last few months getting my act together, pursuing my career in music, achieving independence financially and socially, realizing that I do quite well on my own. I stopped looking. And that's usually how it happens, right? You find love when you least expect it.

I hadn't given up on Love, I never have and I never will. But I came to terms with the fact that maybe there wasn't anyone on this side of the world that would be suitable for me romantically. I decided to put that priority aside for now, and focus on other aspects in my life that would strengthen me.

Then, I met him. I tried to play it cool and I did it so well that he thought I wasn't interested. (those relationship books taught me well) We clicked instantly and although this is still our 'honeymoon period', I really want to make this work.

Sure, I'm scared. Scared of hurting him, scared of getting hurt. But we can't get enough of each other. I asked the universe to bring me a like-minded passionate soul and that's exactly what he is. Essentially, he is the male version of me, with a few differences but shockingly identical in almost every other way.

He melted my plastic heart and created a puddle of endorphins, pheromones and happy sighs. He empowers me and makes me wanna be a better person. I feel invincible.

I used to laugh in disbelief at chick flicks, snigger at cheesy love songs, roll my eyes at affectionate couples but silently yearn for a special someone.

Now I have him.

And I've become a mushy love ball full of warm fuzzy feelings.

Imagine eating chocolate-covered marshmallows.

Imagine watching the sun rise.

Imagine standing on the seashore and feeling the waves wash over your feet.

Imagine hearing your favourite song.

Imagine watching the sun set.

Imagine finding out you just won the lottery.

Imagine taking a warm bubble bath with bath salts of your favourite scent.

Imagine the smell of freshly baked cookies.

Imagine waking up early on a rainy day and realizing you can sleep in.

Imagine the sweetness and warmth of a hot chocolate on a cold day, while you sit in front of the fireplace.

Put all these lovely feelings together, and that's how I feel every morning when I wake up.

Because I finally have a companion who likes me for being me.

'You think I'm pretty without any make-up on.

You think I'm funny when I tell the punch-line wrong,

I know you get me, so I let my walls come down.'

You said it Katy Perry.

Bob Marley once said "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. I know this honeymoon period will eventually morph into normalcy and he claims that's when I'll 'get sick of his face.'

I vow to make this work because he is most definitely worth it.

All the bad dates, failed relationships, meaningless flings, and walks of shame seem to disappear into a pit of my past.

He completes me.

Humour Me

What makes us laugh? What do we find funny?

I personally enjoy satire, irony, humorous anecdotes delivered in deadpan fashion. On rare occasions, I like a bit of slapstick, i.e a dash of Austin Powers, Ace Ventura, and maybe even a little Eddie Murphy.

Sometimes I wonder why certain situations depicted on TV or in films are supposed to invoke laughter. These 'mainstream funnies' are almost disturbing if you analyze them further.

First case study: Causing physical pain to the lead actor or some other form of humiliation

Evidence: Scenes that include but not limited to men getting kicked in the groin, people falling down a hill and injuring themselves, embarrassing situations that involve characters getting caught doing something they're not supposed to be doing (usually by parents or authoritative figures), sexual mishaps/rejections.

Movies which portray aforementioned scenes: Old Dogs, Grown-Ups, Meet the Parents, Dodgeball, and the list could go on forever

Is this what causes us to laugh at our friends when they fall down or hurt themselves accidentally? Sure, I've chortled at the occasional trip, but I would be very disturbed if I found myself laughing at someone else's expense.

Instead of making fun of people's misadventures, we should empathize and learn from their mistakes as well as our own. It would be folly of us to consistently tease a friend just because we can.

Second case study: Cross-dressing

It is somewhat shocking how many movies I came across that shared this subject matter. Why do we laugh at a man in a dress? Do the scenes imply that drag queens are a joke? Does the man not deserve to be taken seriously because he isn't oozing masculinity and testosterone? Is he supposed to be vulnerable and considered weak because he wears women's clothing?

I watched an interview that Oprah had with Dave Chappelle and he was reflecting on an occasion where he was asked to put on a dress and act as a prostitute because 'the scene would be hilarious'. His defensive statement was something along the lines of 'why do I need to be in a dress to be funny? Why can't I just say something hysterical and be done with it?' I feel you Dave, it's preposterous to imagine that intelligent comedians are taken for granted and belittled so they can get laughs.

Movies which portray aforementioned scenes (shocking number) : Tootsie, Mrs Doubtfire, To Wong Foo; Thanks For Everything, The Birdcage, Big Momma's House, The Nutty Professor, Norbit, Junior (Arnie doesn't dress like a woman, but he is essentially emasculated because he somehow manages to find himself on the delivery end of an immaculate conception, or some sort of artificial insemination [for men!!]), The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, Sorority Boys, Juwanna Mann, The Hot Chick and White Chicks

While some of these movies don't highlight transvestism in a negative light the entire time, some scenes are somewhat degrading towards the actors and characters they portray. A man trapped in a woman's body or vice versa connotes serious psychological issues that should not be ridiculed or taunted.

Is it because of movies like these that influence pop culture to such a degree that we find ourselves judging real-life transvestites or effeminate males, since we associate them with humorous scenes depicted in said films?

On the other side of the spectrum, there were 2 movies I discovered that showcased transvestism in an even more twisted way. [Warning: these next few lines contain spoilers]

1) Psycho - Where crazed killer Norman Bates turns out to be obsessed with the death of his mother to such an extent that his schizophrenia compels him to adopt her identity

2) Silence of the Lambs - (This movie is creepy enough as it is) Where serial killer Buffalo Bill kills and skins women alive so that he can wear their skin as a 'human suit'. Chilling stuff.

I'm sure there are many other movies that fall into this category, but since I am discussing humor, I'll stick to what's relevant.

On Planet Venus, there are a few movies that have the other extreme, women dressed as men. However, these movies had a very different vibe as compared to the ones mentioned in the 2nd Case Study.

She's the Man, Shakespeare in Love, Boys Don't Cry, Transamerica, Mulan and Connie and Carla (this one was hard to categorize, because the lead actresses were portraying women dressed up as men dressed up as women, WHEW!)

With the exception of the first and last movies, the others have a very serious vibe, either with regards to romance, acceptance and/or approval. It is funny how Hollywood differentiates transvestism when it comes to women dressed as men. And I don't mean funny ha ha.

I have watched most of the movies I have discussed. Some I enjoyed, some not so much, some I have yet to watch. The important lesson I take from them all, is that while most of them are created for entertainment, we shouldn't disregard or make fun of transvestites, gays, lesbians, effeminate males, masculine females, or anyone confused about their sexuality in any way.

Similarly, we shouldn't laugh when someone gets hurt. How would we feel if someone pointed a finger in our face and laughed everytime we cried?

We are all God's children and we should be spreading Love, not Hate. We should learn to embrace people for who they are, even if we may not understand their practices all the time.

Acceptance is no laughing matter.

Life is Like a Song

I'm seriously concerned about my bipolar emotions as of late. Sigh. One minute I wanna continue being an independent, strong, confident woman that doesn't need a guy, and the next I wanna drown in a puddle of cuddles with a protective, caring, doting knight-in-shining-armor type. Conflicted much?

I've deduced that how I feel about people is similar to how I feel about songs. There are 3 categories: Hits, Maybes and Flops.

Category 1: Hits

The songs that you like instantly the first time you hear them. You tap your feet, snap your fingers and the tune awakens your senses. It excites you because you've never heard it before and you don't know what's gonna happen after the first verse. The beautiful mystery of the song intrigues you to the point where you become slightly obsessed with it and subsequently put it on repeat on your iPhone.

There are people I've met who I've practically fallen in love with instantly. Not always in terms of romantic love, but just in ways of adoration of their fantastic sense of humour or personality. The first meeting always proves to be exhilarating because their behaviour is so unpredictable. I always wanna be around these people, i.e put them on repeat.

Category 2: Maybes

The songs that you're not too sure of. Sometimes you like them, sometimes you're just not in the mood. You may have heard these songs too many times to the point where there's nothing interesting about them anymore. You skip these songs on your playlist and move on to the Hits.

The fair weather friends that you see too much of but add little to your growth. You could do without seeing them but they always seem to keep coming back to invite you to do mundane things. This category also applies to people that you can't quite figure out. Their incongruent behaviour always throws you off and you'd rather hang out with the people you KNOW you can trust, i.e skip them on your playlist.

Category 3: Flops

The songs that you wish were never made or released. The annoying lyrics that don't make any sense and the musicality or lack of it. The songs you would never buy/download/listen to if given the choice. The songs that make you wanna leave a store when they start playing it.

The people that infuriate you so much that you can't even stand to be in the same room as them. The ones that talk trash but expect to be heard. You feel so annoyed by these parasites that you find ways to avoid them if you see them in public places, i.e they make you wanna leave a store if you see them in it.

Besides these categories, I also believe every person has different volumes in terms of their eccentricities and characteristics. For example, my emotional volume is definitely an 8 but for someone else it may only be a 4 or 5. For me, my anger volume is 5 but for an aggressive person it could well be over 7 or 8.

The important thing to remember is we shouldn't change the levels of other people's volumes. We know how annoying it can be when we see that someone's been tampering with our stereo system and changed all the settings for the bass and treble. We should learn to become an equalizer for ourselves so there's a balance. When a sound system is well balanced, the music coming out of it is perfect and no element is too overpowering or unnoticeable. Instead of attempting to fiddle with other people's volumes, we should adjust our own first.

In the meantime, I'll still be waiting for my No.1 Hit.

I know he's out there somewhere.

Nothing but your T Shirt on

So, I'm back from the Land of the Loud and Hurried i.e Hong Kong. It was a whirlwind holiday that had many perks and a few letdowns but all in all, I enjoyed the experience and I'm glad to be home. I'll blog about what I did in HK at a later date, but for now, I'll leave you with an entertaining list of random, and i do mean RANDOM writings I have seen printed on T Shirts, the ones labelled with the * were the ones I saw in HK itself. Enjoy! (and yes, these are real, I took notes with my iPhone while I was holidaying)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

May I thank you need an attitude adjustment. Knock down drag out. I got to make myself a latitude adjective with on without. [A guy sitting in front of me in my lecture was wearing a shirt that said this, that's why I was able to read the entire thing and take note of it! It distracted me from the task at hand i.e learning. lol]

Your smile make me happy.

[What a difference an 's' makes]

I'd rather be snorting cocaine off a hooker's ass.

[As opposed to? This one threw me off guard because an auntie at the hawker was wearing it.. wonder if she knew what the T shirt actually said : P]

I don't need a T Shirt to tell everyone that I'm gay.

[Doesn't that defeat the purpose? By telling everyone that you don't need the shirt, or is there some kind of subliminal reverse psychology going on?]

I (heart) children

[This one would have been fine if it weren't for the fact that an old man in his 60s was parading it around. Slightly unnerving]

Only onesey believe.

[I'm sorry.. what?]

Anchor points are added to the ends of the new paths.

[This is when I start to develop speechlessness when faced with the sheer absurdity of the mysteries of Random T Shirt Text]

*Go to pair of shoes.

[Should I wait for further instructions once I arrive at my inner sole?]

*Really thinks

[A half-written sentence

*Looking at life in a strange room

[I wonder what that looks like. Life and the strange room]

*All other tee suck

[Thanks for pointing that out]

*Nothing comes of nothing

[hmmm..]

(This one's a classic)

*Do you know way? As you mean to go on so meet me by the pretty.

[Whaa..?]

*Words that do not match, deeds are unimportant.

[In the same way, I struggle to find words to describe these next few ones. I think they stand alone in the field of 'WTF' and 'huh?']

*In the shadowplay Koyo Jeans I was moving through the silence without motion. (???) Destroy and reborn.

*Destroy. The wild ride of making, rebel without a cause.

*Now you see so much better without eyes.

[This one really made my day. I literally lol'd when I saw it]

*Party mouthful tastes. How is the taste?

[The lady wearing this gave me weird looks, probably because she wondered why I was staring at her shirt so intently. I was practically in disbelief that such a shirt existed in this world.]

*Today must fanny good.

[Whaaa..?]

*Oh shit it's not a toy it's murder machine careful your manner

[Without punctuation and did I mention it makes no sense?]

(Another favourite)

*Love, peace and samba dance.

[Cause you can't have the first two without doing the third]

*Mellow bees for the free man.

[I..got nothing : P]

*Let's hug! No conflict!

[Sure thing flower child!]

----------------------------------------------------

This is another list that will undoubtedly expand with time, just like my waist after a hearty supper.

Meet me by the pretty where we can heart children and fanny good, but remember to move through the silence without motion so that we can experience Love, Peace and Samba dance.

Whadya mean I'm talking gibberish? It has been written on the clothing of man, like some sort of code for us to decipher! It has to make sense! Right?

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

Girls just wanna have fun.

And whadya know? I'm a girl. A big, mushy, emotional, easily amused, glamorous, feminine, high-maintenance, dramatic and passionate girl.

So how do I have fun? What steps do I need to take?

A sense of adventure and a taste for excitement. Check.

A schedule that allows for spontaneity. Check.

A financial allowance for the occasional splurge. (sometimes it comes in the form of a) Check.

A group of people to enjoy aforementioned activities with.

Aha! Houston we have a problem.

Truth be told, I have outgrown most of my friends. I have only 5 that I consider to be my closest buddies whom I would do anything for.

But they are moving on with their lives. I seem to be stuck in a moment that I can't get out of.

One is going to the army very soon, and he's probably gonna have little or no free time once he enlists. That's fair enough, I know he's my best guy friend and we'll always have that bond no matter how far or how long we are apart.

The other two are going back to Australia as soon as possible and I'm trying to take a mature standpoint in the entire matter. I know I should be happy that they will be happy too but I can't help but want to go with them.

The fourth one can't go out much because his mum is a little bit too over-protective and it's not her fault, neither is it his. I feel bad that most of the time he's pretty broke and can't really do much except stay home but when we do hang out, it's always uplifting, even if we're just watching The Office at my place.

My best friend is definitely my mum. She accepts me for who I am and she's never afraid to show me some tough love once in a while. I don't know what I'd do without her.

My boy cousins are like brothers to me. But once in a while, I wanna have a girls' night out. I'm tired of being one of the guys, and listening to all the things that girls shouldn't know about.

It's the same as having a guy in a group of girls and telling him about PMS and period cramps and chick flicks and Glee and celebrity crushes and fashion/chocolate/shoes/make-up/hairstyles and the list goes on.

Where is my Carrie, Samantha and Miranda? (I've already established that I'm definitely Charlotte from Sex and the City)

I know that my real life Carrie is my housemate, but she's married and she has her own life. I don't expect her to be my bff because we have different priorities and opinions about things.

My mum is Miranda cause she's a complete workaholic and control freak but I love her because of it.

My best guy friend is probably Samantha because let's face it, he's a bit of a slut sometimes but I don't love him any less because of the choices that he makes.

I think I need to find myself again. I keep losing track of who I am and where I'm going. Do I really need a bff or a bf to get by? Am I really that needy? Maybe so.

But I don't want to be that person. Perhaps when I get over this hurdle I will look back and think 'hey, that wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. I actually had it pretty good.'

Until that day comes, I intend to have some 'me' time and well, just have a little bit of fun along the way. On my own.