He told me he loved me on New Year's Eve and it was perfect. I had been patient for more than 2 months and when it happened, I was over the moon. I knew I didn't wanna say it first because we all know if a woman does that, it freaks the crap out of him.
Of course we have little squabbles and fights, but who doesn't? I would be worried if we didn't! All I know is that, he's definitely worth the tears and pain. Any obstacle that comes our way, I know that we can get through it together.
I honestly never thought I would find someone as wonderful as him. He seems to get me even when I don't say a word. Apparently he's able to 'read my face'.
I read a quote once, it said 'it's not about finding the right person. It's about being the right person.'
I've noticed so many couples throughout the years and sometimes, I wonder why it's so important for one person to always be right.
So what if your boyfriend/husband won't let you have the last word? Is it really worth giving him the silent treatment for an entire day?
I have many questions for my fellow woman: (this is not to say that all women do these things, but I've seen the evidence with my own eyes so those are the ones I'm targeting) Believe me, I am guilty of a few items on this list so I am in no way pointing fingers.
Why do you insist on taking him with you when you go shopping?
He is evidently bored, uninterested in what you're about to spend your hard-earned money on and he knows no matter what he says about how you look in a dress, he's gonna get in trouble. He ends up carrying the bags, sighing at regular intervals, playing bejewelled on his iPhone while he waits for you to come out of the changing room, and basically giving up on life. Ladies, go shopping with your girlfriends, give your fella the day to do as he pleases. Trust me he'll thank you for it, and you'll save him the boredom and resentment he'll have for you later on in life.
Why do you get jealous when he looks at another woman?
He is with you. I mean come on, he's carrying your shopping bags, for Pete's sake. His eyes may stray, but his heart belongs to you. If he really wanted to pursue that attractive stranger, do you honestly think he'd still stick around while you fill up his schedule with girly, non-macho activities that would probably make him a laughing stock when his buddies find out what he's been up to? Men are visual creatures, if they see something shiny and beautiful, they are going to look at it. The sooner you accept this, the easier it will be for the both of you. Because if you try to stifle him and reprimand him every time he checks someone out, he'll just find other ways to do so.
Why do you make him feel guilty for not spending money on you?
He already has enough to deal with while he's at work. A crappy boss, annoying colleagues, early mornings, late nights, lack of sleep, hunger pangs etc. It doesn't help when you snap at him for not taking you out to that fancy place at Mount Faber for a romantic evening. He has enough on his plate, don't pressure him by questioning why he doesn't indulge in your lavish outings to snooty places. He looks forward to seeing you when he gets home from work, why would you want to dampen the mood by being demanding and unhappy?
Why do you insist on knowing where he is every time he's not with you?
Sometimes we need to put ourselves in their shoes. What if we were having a girl's night and every 10 minutes or so, we get an angry, inquisitive call about where we are, who we're with and what we're doing. I don't know about you, but I know it would drive me insane! Have a little faith in your man. He needs to let off steam, even if he flirts with another woman while he's out with the boys, he's coming home to you. Men need to prove their masculinity while they are surrounded by other men, so don't make him look like a wimp by calling every few minutes just to 'check up on him'.
Why do you try to change everything about the man you fell in love with?
He leaves the toilet seat up. He doesn't pick his clothes up off the floor. He burps after every meal. He takes hour-long showers. He's always in the mood for a little hanky-panky. He's been like this since before he met you. Some of the little habits he has are what made you like him in the first place! So why would you want him to stop doing those things? Imagine if he tried to stop you from putting your DVDs in alphabetical order. Or if he wanted you to stop using conditioner. You wouldn't feel happy about that would you? Everyone has idiosyncrasies, we shouldn't try to change them, especially with our partner! Even if we don't exactly understand why he doesn't like the volume of his TV to be below 35, we should embrace the uniqueness of him and love him for who he is, not try to turn him into you.
Why do you always feel the need to be in control?
It's true, most men prefer independent women who know what they want and can take care of themselves. However, there is a difference between being independent and being a total biatch who is domineering, demanding and downright irrational. A man needs to feel like a man, he needs to know that he's able to provide for you and take care of you and make the important decisions in the relationship. If you continuously emasculate him (especially in front of other people or worse, his friends) he will snap. If he doesn't snap, he will leave you. Would you really want to be with a guy that lives under your thumb ? Men that find themselves 'pussy-whipped' will undoubtedly resent their situations and be unhappy in their relationship. This is why they cheat or they switch off when you talk to them. Let your man be a man. When he's not around, you can fix those shelves yourself or hook up that stereo system if you need to prove that you can do it. But don't take over when he's in charge.
Why do you expect him to read between the lines and know what you're trying to say?
There's a reason why it's called women's intuition. A mother knows when their child is unhappy just from their tone of voice. A wife can tell when her husband is lying about where he was the night before. There is no way to explain this wondrous talent that almost every woman has, but it would be unfair to assume that men have it too. Men are simple creatures, they take things for what they are, and not what they might be. Don't get me wrong, I know a few guys that are more sensitive and aware of certain situations than women but those are exceptions to the rule. If you tell a man 'i don't feel like going out today,' when really what you're thinking is 'i hope he calls my bluff and realize that it's been a while since we've gone out and takes me out anyway.'.... Sister, enjoy your day on the couch. When you get angsty and snap at him for not taking you out, his response will inevitably be 'but you said you didn't feel like going out!' and then it turns into a big argument about how he doesn't understand you and he becomes defensive and says you're impossible and before you know it, the entire mood is ruined.
Appreciate the little things he does for you. Men (or people in general really) are not mind-readers. You need to say what you feel and what you're really thinking. It depends on the person, but sometimes hints just don't work. What's wrong with saying exactly what's on your mind? Obviously you'll need to word it appropriately so your better half doesn't feel attacked or insulted, but the gist of the message should be transmitted.
I'm not claiming to be some kind of expert on relationships or a love guru or whatnot. I just have many guy friends who confide in me and I'm always in awe when I think about the stunts we pull when we're in relationships.
I for one, try my best not to be a high-maintenance-psycho-bitch-drama-queen with issues but sometimes my hormones get in the way and I lose sight of the happy times. The key to any relationship is communication. If he doesn't know what you're really thinking, how is he going to make you feel better?
Embrace your fella with everything you've got. Shower him with love, tenderness and compassion. Give him space when he needs it and get jealous when he feels neglected. Put his needs first and comfort him when he's down. Maintain your physical appearance and don't let yourself go. Both of you should feel proud to be with each other when you walk side by side. Never bring up the past when you argue and if you have to choose between being right and being kind, be kind.
